Cynthia Erivo – Fly Before You Fall
I’ve always written letters to myself, my ex-boyfriend and to others to express my feelings, well today’s blog post, I’m finally sharing one! Hope you all enjoy. I was only 16!
Yesterday I deleted your number and all of our conversations. It’s been 4 months, and I still can’t get you out of my mind, and I think about you every day, and I’m overwhelmed by looking at my future and seeing you’re not there. You were my everything; when my everything shouldn’t have been you. Why me I asked, confused. Heartbroken. Ignored. I remember the day you asked me to be your girlfriend and the feeling of butterflies swarm in my stomach. And now, October is here – July is long gone, and I am still sitting on my bed writing you letters you will never read, and never receive. I know I hurt you with the way things went, I wasn’t a perfect girlfriend. I got angry, I got jealous and over protective. You always thought it was annoying. But just know I cared. I cared about you so much and I still do. Yet I still asked, Why me? I fell in love with the male who always held me like a baby. I felt secure in your loving embrace, but not with the man who shut me out, put a bullet through my heart and didn’t want to listen to what I had to say and what I was feeling. Why me yet I asked my self over and over again. We know each other better than we know ourselves. Do you ever think about the nights we would lay awake just to enjoy each others company? I do. I know you remember those exact same tears you always saw times before, but you were young and nonchalant. I was young and naive. Times heal everything, but I know my heart is hard to heal. I feel cold sometimes and other times I feel like I’m suffocating and can’t breathe. Love is toxic, but I would never think our love would be. When it’s quiet I feel myself screaming on the inside and no one can hear me. I grew numb of this thing called love and it still hurts. Can you hear me now?
xoxo Bossy K