My freshman year of college was quite the “new” experience. New atmosphere. New friends. New classes. New parties. New freedom. And last by not least – new males. Although all of these new things were about to hit me like a ton of bricks, I wasn’t worried about them. Luckily, I was able to adapt and I adapted pretty well. Initially, males were the furthest thing from my mind. That is until I met “him”.
We started out merely as friends. We both enjoyed one another’s company. We spent countless hours texting, talking, and spending time with one another. We just clicked really well. Eventually, I ended up falling for this boy and from my point of view, we were headed towards a relationship. I only had one boyfriend my entire life, I felt like we were doing all the things that a normal couple would do. Months had passed but were we a “thing”? No. I was becoming restless. I was a relationship type of female. I knew what I wanted from the start. The “talking” phase was never a favorite of mine, but here I was just “talking” to someone. So, I decided to approach him with my frustrations and he simply told me to “Just let it flow.” The smarter part of me wanted to end whatever we had right then and there. I had settled and that settlement eventually led to Lil heartbreak I admit. We were on two different pages. I wanted something more and he didn’t.
What I had encountered was a situation-ship. A situation-ship is when two individuals become involved with one another and function as a couple but without a title. Sure you may display affection, go out together, and share intimate thoughts with one other but unless you two have both agreed to be together you’re really not. Amongst our generation, situation-ships are so common that they’ve suddenly become the norm. Just the sound of the word “commitment” strikes fear in individuals and sends them running in the opposite direction. So, people resort to the next best thing that doesn’t require an official tie. Situationships are easy; they don’t require the same responsibilities, accountability, or dedication as a relationship. If your “significant other” wants to spend time with another individual they can and the anger and betrayal you may feel is insignificant because as said before you two aren’t tied together.
I had to realize that, if we’re not getting anywhere, then why am I here? I felt what SZA said,” Why you’re bothering me when you know you don’t want me.” When it comes to relationships, I’m more of a loveable person. I don’t nag OR fuss. I give you your space just as much as I want my space. I tend to want a little reassurance from time to time, but what girl doesn’t? I tend to catch feelings fast so I BARELY talk to other males.
The difference between the talking and dating stage is that the talking stage tends to be just that, talking. Nothing more and nothing less. You’re free to do whatever you want while I do whatever I want. A lot of people tend to get the talking stage confused because they tend to get feelings involved and this where situation-ships began to form. If you and the male you’re “talking” to don’t have an agreement on working towards things while in the talking stage, why are you getting your feelings involved? Talking to males is like playing a game of chess. You have to be smart and play the game smart. Let him show you what he has to offer instead of you showing what you have to offer. It’s hard for males to express their feelings so it can be very difficult to identify his feelings for you, but in most cases, if that boy is into you, he’ll find a way to show his feelings. Rather it’s a simple date or checking up on you on a daily basis. When I was in my situation-ship, I did show my true feelings and exposed my heart, but and it was hard to identify how he felt about me because he never expressed himself to me. So I began to play the game as so. I began to tuck my feelings back in.
Say what you want this to be before we even get things established. Males never say what they want from a female because they know it’ll run her away. Most of some males will play the game as such: They’ll talk to a girl and make her think it’s going somewhere. Once he got her thinking that he wants to be with her, she’ll eventually have sex with him. And now she’s hooked. She’s not going anywhere and he’s free to do whatever he wants because y’all not together. The female wants more than just talking, but he’ll simply say, ” I like it the way it is, I want us to have bond before we get a title.” But in reality, that’s not a bond. He’s free to do whatever the hell he wants while you’re being gullible behind him. I know it’ll be hard to let him go because you’re officially attached, but let it go. If he isn’t showing you nothing more or always avoid the topic of wanting more, then he isn’t the one for you.
I’m not saying you should assume or guess. Ask him what he’s looking for. If his answer doesn’t align with yours, then step away. If he tells you. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” and you know deep down that’s what you want, MOVE ON. If he says: “I’m just looking for something casual” and you know that not what you want, MOVE ON. And this where a lot of females make mistakes: You ask the guy what he’s looking for. He gives you an answer that doesn’t meet your needs BUT you convince yourself that it’s just for now. No. No. No!!! STEP AWAY. You know what you want out of a relationship, therefore, don’t settle!! Do not at any point lower your standards just because you want to be with him. Stick to what you want.
Ok, now it’s time to do some reflecting! What in the hell went wrong? Did he let you know from the beginning he wasn’t interested in a relationship? Did you not care at first and eventually grow feelings? Was he supportive of your dreams? Was he dependable? Did he show you off to his friends and family? Did he vow to one day make you his? Whatever it was that he did or did not do, it’s time to move on. It is what it is and if you feel as though you’re in a situation-ship, now is the time to MOVE ON!
as always – xoxo Bossy K